2021.10.18 05:24 OrcaGlue Day 7: Fan & Day 8: Watch
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2021.10.18 05:24 Shorts_Man Suicidal ideation, psychological and physical torture during prolonged use.
I think whatever brain physiology I possess just turns me into a non functioning, unhuman zombie. I just cannot fathom the basic aspects of being a human.
There are alcoholics out there that have careers, families, friends and generally live normal lives and when I'm drinking these concepts are just unfathomable. Going on a walk? Please, that would feel like a marathon. Rolling over in bed to see who called or texted is even sometimes out of the question. Staring at the wall or ceiling and taking benadryl is not uncommon. Occasionally reaching down for a drink saps my energy.
Going to work is out of the question, I've lost several jobs like this. Getting to the next room sometimes is out of the question. I stop showering, brushing my teeth, etc and just neglect myself. I neglect my home. It takes all my strength just go put on my slippers and go to the convenience store and even that just physically wrecks me for the day. I come home and try to keep my alcohol down until my brain physiology allows me to cope somewhat, but barely.
I've been to the ER probably 3 times in the past year out of sheer terror (I mean mind blowing anxiety where once I begged the EMTs to just sedate me and even used the word euthanasia at some point.) I was dehydrated to the point where my whole body was cramping and the skin on my face was peeling due to dehydration. I hadn't eaten in days. They hooked me up to ativan and a drip to get fluids in me. I ended up in inpatient rehab to just safety detox and I could barely function there.
Does anyone else here have any similar psychologically unbearable experiences? I've never considered suicide simply because the process seems too exhausting to carry out but there are times I absolutely thought existence was just unbearable and just wanted a pistol on my night stand because that seemed the only possible way that I could have pulled it off.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, I've actually never posted here I don't think. I just don't know how common this level of complete, self neglecting, self imposed hell is common even amongst the worst of the worst.
I'm doing better today only because I got my benzodiazapine prescription and they really do help temporary correct whatever clusterfuck I've sent my internal chemical, physiological brain state into these past few weeks.
I really appreciate you guys and gals for reading this and I hope you are all fantastic these days.
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2021.10.18 05:24 Tyleris19 Can someone check this for me says I’ve a trillionaire
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2021.10.18 05:24 xerces79 I’m a little less ugly with a beard. Not much though.
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2021.10.18 05:24 Upset_Carpenter790 33 [F4M] For those who wish to share and connect!
My request: age 36 above, age young do not disturb.
Don't make jokes about love.I can't afford it.
You can have no body;What is a figure I do not understand: I only understand that you must be a kind and sincere.
Love is easy to get along with difficult, only constant change and adaptation, to love for a lifetime!Some people do not see each other for a while, they feel hopeless, do not want to contact, it is not a desirable way, if this is really the case, it is not called love, can only be called passion or impulse, love needs time to operate, distance knows horsepower, time shows people.
I have a good personality, generous, easy-going, cheerful, optimistic.But it's okay if you have your own principles and you don't violate mine.Love love laugh, sometimes very sensitive, love tears.Stiff and awkward in front of the person you like.Don't like arrogant people, pretentious people, not kind people and boring people.
If you're looking for the Internet for a one-night stand, entertainment, sexual relationship, please don't private me, I despise you 100 million times!
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2021.10.18 05:24 Renikus Is there any way to get KBM prompts for the PC version?
All of the buttom prompts for this game are displayed with an Xbox 360 controller. I use KBM when playing this game, I don't have an Xbox controller. Is there a setting in the game to fix this, or a fan patch? Thanks in advance
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2021.10.18 05:24 vlei90 Why??!! Spotted this while out today.
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2021.10.18 05:24 ray9 Sindosi (신도시) - Transform (변신)
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2021.10.18 05:24 ThrowRA305589 Walked out today but I honestly still want my job…
I’ve never done this before, yet I felt like the manager was reallyyy testing me today.
Ultimately my section was two very small indoor 2 tops, and three outdoor tables on a 50 degree (F) Sunday morning.
To top it off, we were out of bottomless mimosas and so our brunch crowd was impacted.
So. I worked 3 hours, without anyone in my section. I asked to go home, and the manager was upset. It wasn’t my first time asking him so I understood- but if my shift ended in another 3 hours, I’d only reasonably have two hours left to make what I could from the warm 2 tops.
Honestly still coming back from Covid trauma, and putting myself first. But I want a job that will treat me right, and I’ll be among their best employees. Today, wasn’t it.
I finally get a couple seated, and the manager crudely remarked “look, your section is filling up”.
At best- that couple would tip $10? $10 for 3+ hours of my time, before restaurant tip out….
I grabbed my bag and ran for the hills guys. I’m so sorry to those of you who put with that in your restaurants, that isn’t right.
If I’m not fired I’ll hang in there through the holidays, and stop asking to leave early. But today felt set up for failure.
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2021.10.18 05:24 RLCD-Bot [Titanium White Fennec] [Crimson Exalter] [Titanium White Standard] [Crimson Tunica]
2021.10.18 05:24 swthiede Just moved to a new place and found these fruit things growing on the fence. What are they?
2021.10.18 05:24 ZEpicD Someone catch me up
2021.10.18 05:24 Scorpion5474 First time beating Radical Red
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2021.10.18 05:24 burtondude Pep
Hello I was sexually assaulted back in may by someone who is hiv positive. I tested negative last week with a 4th generation rapid test at 20weeks post exposure and 16weeks post pep. How accurate is this and should I still be worried and stressed?
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2021.10.18 05:24 Wayochi16 Umm Okay Triumph with out completing catalyst
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2021.10.18 05:24 SageOfDestruction THIS GAME IS BEAUTIFUL!! | Prologue COMPLETION! Demon Slayer Hinokami Chronicles Gameplay
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2021.10.18 05:24 puppetdmaster so now that binance finally kicked me off what's next?
Whats a good exchange I can play futures with more than 5x leverage? I was on binance for years now and the just locked my account to withdrawal only. Everywhere I have found I could only get 1-5x if any.
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2021.10.18 05:24 HatBowler Is Featherly Trans?
2021.10.18 05:24 isthatdejavuu Should I talk to my friends about my ex?
In a friend group with ex. We pretend like the other doesn’t exist and it’s painful. I told my friends I didn’t want to talk about him anymore to them because it was confusing for me how they were supporting me and telling me he sucks but then going and continuing to be best friends with him in front of me. They kind of got mad at me for this saying they felt unappreciated but I thought it would be what was best for me.
Recently something happened between me and my ex and I feel like all my progress of moving on has been destroyed, I’m back to being just as sad as I was the day we ended things. I want to talk to my friends about it but I just told them I felt better and I didn’t want to talk about him anymore. What do I do? I don’t really have another outlet.
TL;DR! Do I backtrack on my word about the fact I’m not gonna talk about my ex to my friends?
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2021.10.18 05:24 nightmarefueluwu Found the Pascal trade Article😂😂
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2021.10.18 05:24 Yungpal42069 can i take 1mg xanax after 5mg hydro this morning?
2021.10.18 05:24 SneekerPeaker URANIUM FEVER in prep for monday
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2021.10.18 05:24 Beren__ how to actually dispute a collection?
Credit karma has a button to dispute, but I was wondering if there's an "official" method to dispute? CFPB? Or any other place that I'm not aware of? I appreciate any help :)
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2021.10.18 05:24 canucks5364 Parents search through my bags without my permission. I have no privacy.
I’m 18 and a uni student. I came home from a Saturday night out with my friends and had a small vape pen in the inner pocket of my bag, which you wouldn’t even be able to find unless you open all the tiny zips and pockets and actively went through my bag.
Fast forward to this morning. I got woken up by my mom walking into my room, shouting at me, talking about how bad vaping was and how I have to love my body and it was hurtful to see me betray their trust like that. Don’t get me wrong, I understand all the health consequences of vaping, but I’m also only a social smoker - I do it very, very rarely. I sat up in bed and demanded to know why she would suddenly bring this up and wake me up with screaming, and I knew without her even telling me, that I fucked up. I walked out to see my bag on the dining room table, and my vape right next to it. My vape was so well hidden though, which meant she opened every single inner pocket in my bag to find it.
The most heartbreaking thing was realising there was no privacy in an Asian household. No knocking because my parents want to ‘catch me in the act’ of god knows what. Rummaging through personal bags to find something to call me out. I’m so sick of this. I’m 18. I chose a uni close to home so they could be happy with my course and with my location. Now I’m suffering all the consequences of it.
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2021.10.18 05:24 RobinFarmwoman It was a fun night 🙂
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